Dude......Why Am I So Ill?

I just came from church.
Why do people have to sit in front of me with their cute, fat, slobbery babies?
(I can never pay attention when there's babies within eyeball distance.)
Why do people always ask me when I'll have one?
Dude......you're not helping my childless-for-a-while marriage campaign.

I just came from Target, had my coffee delight, and FINALLY!, picked up mine and Boots' Christmas cards.
Why didn't I know beforehand that they came with envelopes and I didn't have to buy any?

Sunday night is not a good night for me.
I don't like sleeping at the funeral home, away from my Boots.
It's our weekly night apart and I. don't. like. it.

I am ill.

Monumental Task of Epic Proportions

Ya ever take on too much?

Like building a privacy fence mostly by yourself, banging yourself in the head with the boards?
Like planning your own wedding, procrastinating to the last minute and having a breakdown in the JCPenney's?
Like scrubbing your nasty bathroom including the BLACK nasty corners only to discover the Underground Railroad for Rats under your sink cabinets?

Ya ever feel as if you are losing your goose and just want to cry and scream and pitch the biggest fit?

I'm trying to enjoy every minute but I feel like I'm crackin' up!

Poop

I am surrounded by poop.
There was poop all day long at work yesterday.
Then at Target this morning, there was poop in the floor between the cash registers and the photo printer.
I swear, if I have to see or smell anybody else's poop within the next few days I am going to go insane!

Oh, The Horror!

Where is that post about the chihuahuas that live upstairs?!
I was standing on the porch at my apartment this afternoon talking to my roommate when I felt something wet drip on me.
I screamed and she thought I had been stung by a wasp.
The dog upstairs on the balcony peed on me!!
I got peed on by a dog that doesn't even belong to me!!
I was furious.
I went upstairs and banged on the people upstairs door.
The man that looks like a white George Lopez answered and his wife peeked out behind him while I yelled at them about their dog taking a whiz on my face.
She said, "We're sorry."
And I sarcastically said thanks and ran back down the stairs before George Lopez pushed me down them.
I was so mad I was shaking.
I called the land lady and she was supposed to call me back after she got out of church but I think she forgot.
I'll call her back in the morning.
This ain't over yet.
I've got half a mind to put one of Nikki's turds on their mat.