Zoo Day

"We're off to the zoo today to see some animals,

won't you ride along with me,

ride along,

won't you ride along with me?"

 

I've been watching too much Daniel Tiger, can you tell?

 

 

Monday we took Mayhem to the zoo for the first time.  Let me tell you, in my expert opinion, nearly two is the perfect age to take a kid to the zoo for the first time.  At 22 months old, he's recognizing animals in books and toys and imitating the sounds they make, but he's not at the age where you have to explain every single thing yet, like the sometimes embarrassing stuff like the rhinoceros pooping or what have you.

 

We (it wasn't just the three of us, we went with our friends and their two boys) arrived at the zoo right after opening (good thing, too, because we spent 6 hours there and nearly shut the joint down!) and didn't have to wait very long to watch the seal training session.  Mayhem loved watching the seal jump and do tricks for fish.  He clapped and cheered right along with all the other kiddies.

 

 

After the seals, we saw birds and reptiles (too dark, no photos).  In this pen behind the fence he's on were two of the strangest birds I've ever seen.  They looked like a long pair of legs with a neck!  Some sort of stork I think.

 

(Our friend's mom made the boys these cute shirts to wear.)

 

 

After birds and reptiles we moved on to the primates.  Or just "monkeys" if you're trying to keep it simple for the under 3' crowd.

 

 

A monkey and a lemur...

 

 

 

 

We spent probably fifteen minutes watching the giraffes.  They were really close and active, walking back and forth in front of the fence.  He can say "giraffe" near perfectly now and even recognizes them in weird form like the tall, skinny statues in Earthbound.

 

 

Elephants were cool, but we couldn't figure out why the four of them were separated and didn't see anyone around to ask.

 

 

They had a sign about Tigers and Auburn right next to this one, but he wouldn't stick his head in it.

 

 

By the time we got to the real tiger he was pretty hungerstruck and the raisins were much more interesting than any ol' pacing tiger.

 

 

The tiger was pretty neurotic while we were standing there, but later I saw him sleeping in the grass. 

 

Speaking of neurotic, I thought I would just flip my lid in the snake building.  There were so many moms and strollers and little kids running around screaming and pushing to try to see.  Mayhem was just quietly sitting in his stroller (he loves to "Ride!  Ride!" in that thing!) and we waited our turn and tried to slowly see everything.  I guess I'm just not used to big crowds of tiny people and the big ones that accompany them.

 

 

 

The bears were sleepy, too.  How stereotypical (and hilarious) is it that there's a picnic table inside their pen?

 

 

We rode the train that goes through and around the zoo.

 

 

He doesn't look impressed here, but he loved it once we started moving.

 

 

He's really into taking selfies.  "Poke!  Poke!" he says as he jabs his finger at the screen. 

 

 

Feeding the fish and turtles in the swamp of the Alabama animals section.

 

 

He wanted to pet this vulture so bad!  He kept saying, "Pet!  Pet!" and the lady was like, "No, we can't pet!"  Boots had to hold his arm down to ensure he wouldn't lose any fingers while they were standing close.

 

Why did we not take any pictures of him petting the sheep and goats?  I guess because we were too busy petting!  You could tell the poor sheep had had lots of hands on them, their hair was fuzzed up on the top of their backs.

 

Now... onto the aquarium!

Redomesticated

I caught Frank Wednesday afternoon and brought him back in the house to be reassimilated to indoor living.  He spent most of the first 24 hours hiding under the spare bed, refusing to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom until I started to wonder, even though I wasn't really worried, if he would starve or blow up.  Night time is a different story.  He's lonely and expresses his displeasure too loudly, which is partly why he got tossed outside in the first place.  You think he'd learn, or maybe he has?

Mayhem is way too excited about his one animal friend being more available more often for playdates and likes to get right down in Frank's face and yell his happiness in indistinguishable jabbers.  Lots of petting and "awwww's" and one occasion of thinking cats were pets that liked plastic balls thrown at their heads.

Last night before bed and after Frank decided to quit pouting, Mayhem force fed him his supper, one piece of kitty food at a time, reassuring Frank with lip smacking and "numnumnum" that it really is good.  First hand knowledge?  I hope not. 

Frank is still bored at night so I've been up since 4 keeping him company.  Good thing I like the early morning.

Doctor, Doctor!

We took Mayhem for his 18 month well baby checkup this morning, complete with TDAP and flu vaccines made better by a sucker. 

Our little turkey weighs 28 pounds, 10 ounces and is 33 inches long now. 

The doctor thinks we're doing a fine job with him and after our answer of, "Everything!" to his question, "What's fun about Mayhem?" he said he guessed we didn't want to return him.

There is still fluid on his ears three months after an ear infection so we have to go back in a month for a recheck.  He may have to have his hearing tested if it's not better and he's not saying two-word phrases by then.

He also said after Mayhem is consistently sleeping all night every night we could convert his bed to a toddler bed, but I don't know if I'm down with that.  What if he gets loose?!

After Mayhem's appointment we dropped Boots off at the chiropractor and the two of us drove over to the new pet store to kill some time while we waited.  We saw a cat and two kittens and about a million fish.  Mayhem liked the birds (of course!), but the gerbils running on the wheel and fat rabbits really captured his attention.  I wanted to get him one of each of everything in there despite knowing I'd be the one doing all the caretaking, except for the ferrets- those critters can't be trusted.

A little shoe shopping at Target for a boy with feet that literally grow overnight and then home for a nap. 

Februagram

  Here's a few pictures of things I did in February (in no particular order!) and filtered using the Instagram app "Brennan,"  it's sort of my favorite right now.  You can check out January here!  You can follow me @eatingcrowpie

I Littered!

Everybody knows I'm all Captain Planet and the very idea of littering is appalling to me, but I believed my case is justified.  Somebody tried to kill me after church tonight.

Some one, I don't know who nor am I placing blame, released a wild, deranged, killer, bitey spider in my car!  Whoever put that animal in my car was pretty smart, telling the spider to hide behind my sun visor, but biting the top of my head would have been better than giving me a heart attack/near wreck!

Imagine me, driving down the road, admiring the brand new cat eyes that were stuck to the brand new blacktop, when my superkeen eyes (I did just get them checked and I can see 20/15 with my contacts, booyah!), spotted movement.  Ever so slightly, the spider shifted his weight (her weight?).  My breath caught in my throat and I began to hyperventilate and hold my breath at the same time (I kid you not) while I frantically zoomed into the Subway parking lot, slammed the car in park, jumped over into the passenger seat, one eyeball on the spider, the other digging through the glove box.

Napkins!  Where are the napkins!  I always save my extra napkins, now where are they?!?!?!?!


No napkins to be found and I had no time to waste.

Ya'll, I squashed that spider with my hankie.  And screamed.  And threw the hankie out of my car onto the ground.  In front of a cop.  And a Suburban-load of kids.  Then I drove off like nothing ever happened while the mom eyeballed my nice hankie wondered what nasty thing I'd left out there.

Spiders give me the creeps.  Even now I'm scratching my neck every time my hair moves and looking at my shoulders like I expect to see some eight-legged monster waving back at me.  I probably won't sleep tonight.  I'm sure I won't.

Slapsticks

The Scene: Dark living room, television on, middle of the day
The Characters: Boots, Rachel, and Frank
And......action!

(Frank walks through the living room, down the hall.)

Boots: What's he got?
Rachel: (barely looking up from her iPad) A toy.
Boots: When did you buy toys?
Rachel: A while back.
Boots: Squeaky toys?

(Cue Frank, dropping the "toy", "toy" runs across living room floor, Rachel screams and jumps on the couch, Boots clicks on the light revealing a chipmunk)

Boots: Hahahahaha! Where did he get a chipmunk? Hahahahaha!!!
Rachel: HOW DID A CHIPMUNK GET IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!! MUWHAAAA!!!!!!
Boots: Hahahahaha!!!

(Frank chases chipmunk in circles in living room, Boots throws blanket over chipmunk while continuing to laugh maniacally.)

Rachel: OK OK OK OK OK! I'LL OPEN THE DOOR AND YOU THROW THE BLANKET OUTSIDE!!!

(Rachel struggles to catch Frank who in turn thanks her with a scratch on the neck.)

(Boots throws the blanket out the door and slams it.)

Rachel: HOW DID A CHIPMUNK GET IN THE HOUSE?

(Rachel walks around, looking for obvious chipmunk sized holes that mysteriously appeared.)

Rachel: I LEFT THE BACK DOOR OPEN!! NIKKI!!!!

(Cue cricket sounds in the middle of day, no Nikki.)

(Frank runs out the gaping back door, probably to catch another chipmunk.)

Rachel: FRANK!!! COME BACK!!!

(Frank hunkers down obligingly, Rachel scoops him back up, all the while screaming for Nikki who has been inside hiding the whole time.)





The neighbors think we're idiots.

I Forgot Your Birthday......

So......

Last week was Eating Crow Pie's birthday (Yay! One year in operation!) and I missed it.

(I didn't do a "Happy Birthday Blog" post, haven't I violated some sort of bloggy rule?!)

In my defense, I had intentions, but when I got home I was greeted with an enormous poopy stinky pee mess that had to have my immediate attention.

Lemme tell ya, its not going to be a good night when you come home to poop, no it is not.

I suppose I was supposed to do a birthday celebration giveaway, but with the mood I was in after all that disaster cleaning it would have been was a Ziplock bag of poop shipped to you the next day.

You're welcome.

By way of forgetting to post, I also forgot to do my 100 Days of Marriage post.

Remember when I posted about my last 100 Single Days?

I accomplished #1 & 2, still working on #3 & 4, #5 is 1/2 complete I'd say, and of course, #6 is done.

You know, I do not miss that wedding planning at all, at all I tell you!

Since I'm laying it all out today, have you been remembering that I'm forgetting to finish my story of how I met Boots?

I've had you in suspense for Part 2 nearly three months now!

I'll get to it I promise.

Wouldn't it be cool if I posted that for V-day?

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I, Rachel, curator of Eating Crow Pie, so avow to finish Part 2 of meeting Mr. Boots and post it on the fourteenth of February in honor of the love events of the day even though I do not adore the blessed commercialized love day!

(February- I cannot pronounce that word correc-it-ally.

Is it "Feb-ROO-ary" or "Feb-YOU-ary"?)

Here lately, I've been paying more attention to fashion in the world around me.

You can thank Kendi.

Hear I go, trying to be all fashion-y.

Shirt: Target $10

Pants: Target $24.99

I thought this was going to be a fashion win but it was a fashion fail.

I just felt frumpy.

Not as cute on me as it was in my head.

Oh, well......try, try again, right?

I know you're confused now.

You're probably all, "Why is she standing on the toilet?" or maybe, "Why is her counter so cluttered?" or "This is a fashion blog now?"

#1: there is no full length mirror in my house.

Yet.

There will be after Boots and I finish our bedroom; we're planning on mirrored closet doors.

Yay!

#2: I was in a hurry!

No time to clean since I had to sneak this picture without Boots seeing me and making fun of me.

#3: no.

I don't know what I am.

One day this is a comedy blog, the next day its a romantic story telling blog.

Then its a sad, gripey blog.

Some days it a cooking blog, a photography blog, and now I'm posting my clothes!

Its a hodge-podge blog--I'll write about anything!

Here's looking at you kid, Happy Birthday!

Dogtography

I had Nikki do a little posing on the end table for me.

She wasn't exactly willing, but being two feet off the ground she thought it best to stay put.

Why does she only look in one direction?

Is that her "good" side?

When I said, "Who's there?" that was the end of the photo session.

Oh, Deer

I haven't had much to write lately.
There's just not much too much happening.
I'm just working and doing wedding stuff and house stuff.
But by not writing I'm neglecting the purpose of the blog.
(Purpose? 
Oh, yeah! 
To keep people our family fah fah away informed of our happenings!)

We had a wedding shower the past two Saturdays and got lots of great presents.
Boots and I are going to have plenty of new things to use in our house.
We got nice, new, fluffy towels.
Shiny pots and brand new spoons!
Baskets, and decorations, and tools!
I'm dying to cook something with all my new wares but I haven't had the time yet.
Expect lots of cooking posts in October.

I've been writing 'thank you' notes until my eyes cross.
Don't you just love writing 'thank you' notes?
(I may be sarcastic about a lot of things but from the bottom of my heart I love writing 'thank you' notes.
I like paying bills too.
There's just some allure about writing checks, licking envelopes, and sticking stamps.
Maybe because it's only 'special' occasions that you get to do such.)

Boots and I finally decided on the flooring for the majority of the house!
Hallelujah!
Indecision makes my head spin.
I like to have things decided out right away so I don't have to stress over the possible outcomes.

Possible outcomes......
New business venture idea in the works.

Dear Boots,
I am becoming increasingly attached to the blue bathroom each time I see it.
Please, do not destroy.
Save your creative destructive energies for the grand house we're building in our heads that will someday be on the ground.
Much love,
Rachel

You know what's great about all this hectic wedding stuff?
Ya know, besides the cake and punch?
I get to see so many people that I haven't seen in a while and/or don't get to see very often.
I can't wait until the wedding!
There will be (I hope!) so many people there that love us and I hope we get to visit with them all.

Chloe has moved out of my apartment and down to our house.
She chewed up a wall in my bathroom yesterday as payback for the trouble she got in that morning and I cannot have teeth marks on everything that doesn't belong to me that I have to pay for when I move out.
I'm not sure if Nikki is sad her friend is gone or glad to have all the attention to herself again.
I hope they mesh as well as they have been meshing next month when they have to live together for good.
I hope me and Chloe started meshing better.
Mesh, mesh, mesh.

Cake, love, and funerals,
Rachel

Do you see this sweet face?

You would never imagine that this sweet face belongs to a monster.

A monster that is bound and determined to destroy all rocks, stones, and pebbles by means of digestion!

A monster with aging teeth and gums, that would rather enjoy the crunch of ancient melded grit than Beneful!

Do you see this coffee table?

This coffee table in front of this blue yoga mat, said blue yoga mat shoved up under and beside the metal screen that keeps things (people, animals, junk) from falling in the fireplace?

All this junk that has to keep the rock eating monster from taking all the rocks out of the fireplace so that we don't get dinged when we move out of our apartment?!

I've been busy today.
I went to the post office, didn't get a thing.
It just disappoints me not to get any mail.
I went to the bank, took out some money (by the way, large amounts of cash make me nervous.  I was shaking like a drug dealer!) I went to my mom's office, I went to the wedding store to pick up two bridesmaids' dresses.
I went to another bank, got rid of that money, I went to the mall, bought nice hand soap at Bath and Body Works, went to Belk, bought three dresses because I was by myself and could not decide.
Went to Target, bought a few groceries but mostly magic dog washing potion (vinegar and antibacterial soap).
Went home, made myself cheese quesadillas for lunch.
Washed both dogs (ever washed a stubborn German Shepard?) in magic potion.
And proceeded to be lazy for the rest of the afternoon.
There you have it.

New Family Members

This is a longish update.

I'm not so good at daily posting.

Last Tuesday after work, I left my town for the next biggest city to hang out at "Camp Nana."

Camp Nana is something my soon-to-be maw-in-law came up with as a time to visit with her grandbabies.

She teaches them Bible verses and they paint crafts (I'm not brave enough for paint and kids!), she enforces good behavior and manners and expects fairness.

Camp Nana is a good way to practice your baby skills.

Such as not exploding when seven miniature humans all demand more chicken nuggets! at the same time!

Pee stinks.

Hot pee, cold pee, diaper pee, toilet pee.

It all stinks.

Camp Nana teaches you to eat when you have a chance.

Kids are an excellent diet.

You expend all of your energy chasing after them and caring for them.

Then when it's time to eat, you have to feed them and you forget to feed yourself until you're laying in the bed going to sleep and by that time you're too exhausted to move, much less fix yourself something to eat!

After I left Camp Nana Thursday afternoon I headed south to Boots' house to pick up his "child" Chloe and take her to my house.

Chloe is the one on the right.

The one on the left is my "child" Nikki.

You can't really tell in this picture but Chloe's right ear was shaved when she had surgery on a broken blood vessel.

The vet said she needed to stay inside a while so I'm keeping her until we get everything finalized with our house and Boots moves in.

Nikki is super hyper and jumps around all day everyday but Chloe is really chill and always relaxed.

She just sat in the front seat of the car looking out the window on the ride back.

Very calm and serene.

Staring out at the cows.

Really staring at the cows.

Staring like it would have been embarrassing for you if you were in the store and your kid was staring like that.

Is it still bad to stare or have we as society gotten over that since its widely accepted to be different and nowadays you want people to stare at you?

Please advise.

Chloe understands German.

I speak English.

We had a bit of a communication problem for the first few days but I think we've conquered the language barrier, at least I hope so.

Two dogs is a lot of work.

Its almost like having children.

And tell me this, why do dogs eat grass when they think they're going to puke?

Do you think that trick works on humans?

A Recap?

In the midst of my blogging funk/writer's block there has been a few things that are post-worthy.

Like the fact that my computer is evidently on its last leg.
Er, byte.
Space is vehhhry limited right now (and probably forever, for that matter.)

Wednesday I had a fit of creative genius that spilled over from Tuesday night.
I bought oodles of flowers (sunflowers and some weird yellow wildflowers) and floral tape (green and sticky) and went crazy in my living room while watching movies I'd long ago DVR'ed (man, I love DVR) and had yet to watch.

I could write about how Boots and I took three of his little nephews to the zoo on Thursday.
(The youngest one said, "Is that a good tiger or a bad tiger?"
:] )
Those boys are hands down the best boys in the world.
(They played in the bubble pit.
Did you even know they have bubble pits at the zoo?)
Words can't describe so I won't even try.
Anyways, those sweet boys had me all (sigh) babies until Friday night.
I'll get to that.

Oh, my exercising and working out so I won't be so fat come W-Day has completely fallen off.
I am a blob.
I hope to resume this week.
Maybe.
I better.

Friday, back to work after two glorious days off.
What an insane day.
We had five funerals!
I spent at least five hours straight in the sun.
Got my face and neck all red so now I have a great funeral director's tan.
(That's kinda like a farmer's tan but not because the only visible parts of a FD are their hands, face, and neck.
Plus the tops of my feet because I wear those funny shoes since I'm not a man and clodhoppers aren't exactly flattering on me.)
Got all stinky, and hot, and sweaty and smelling like a goat and stayed that way til I managed to finallyget home and take a much needed scrubbing.

Melody, my roommate calls, (we're still on Friday now, don't get lost) and she's coming home from her church's Bible School early because she has a killer headache.
Remember how a week or so ago (or maybe I forgot to mention it) I took her to the doctor for a killer headache who sent us to the hospital where the nurse called us an escort to Labor and Delivery (am I that fat?!) but would up taking us to get a cat run over her head and they said, "Oh!  Every thing's fine!"?
Obviously, everything was not fine in my fine friend's noggin.
Apparently, there's something amok.
(My, how I love my adverbs!)
(And, exclamation points!
"They" say exclamation points! make you happy! and energetic!)

Back to Friday night--the doctor delegates his team of nurses to give her at least three shots in the butt for pain, nausea, and antibiotics, respectively.
Much pain.
Much, much pain.
Especially in the head and later in the butt when she wakes up with those bruises.
I haul her home where she proceeds to puke all in the parking lot and right then and there I decide I'm not ready for midgets that resemble me and Boots to puke everywhere or even be everywhere or anywhere.
No babies.
I call my mom because I don't know who else to call at a time like this!
I need backup!
My mom comes and helps me babysit my sick friend.
I'm all nervous as a goose because I mean, "What if she throws up again?!?"
Yikes.
Put roommate to bed, check for breath signs every five minutes, pace floor, repeat.
Too wound up to go to bed at my usual bedtime.

Saturday.
Six funerals.
More sun, more redness (not exactly burning because I did this whole "it rubs the vinegar on its skin" thing to keep the sunburn away. 
It works.)
Roommate is sleeping off a bad headachey hangover all day, groggy and drugged up.
No more vomitus though, thanks.

Sunday. 
Roommate, much better.
Dog, much worse.
The dog got a dose of petrification or something because that girl was stiff as a lawn ornament.
She would not move.
Would.
Not.
Move.
Take dog outside, bring dog inside, put dog on floor, take shower, come back 20 minutes later and observe dog in exact same position in exact same spot.
I don't get it.
I can't keep a well house.
Am I next?
Yikes.
Only one funeral Sunday.
Major relief.
Went to church.
Came home.
Rest.
Sigh.

That's it.
Good enough?

Pictures as Promised

This first one is kinda gross.

I went down to the farm this week.

How'd you like to have those horns mounted on your wall?

(Since then I've been thinking

I would love to have a humongous peacock tail fanned out and mounted on my wall one day. 

I think that would be so pretty!)

We went swimming in the limestone pond.

This is my cousin, Pea.

Nikki even went swimming!

Here she is with my cousin, Em.

Boots and I went to a friend's wedding on Saturday.

We practiced taking pictures.

(I'm not sure why his purple shirt and tie looks blue in pictures.)

Sunday after work I got the clippers out again.

But this time not on the dog.

I cut my roommate's boy manfriend's hair and it didn't turn out too bad if I do say so myself.

What a scary sight.