Stupidphones and Pickup Fails

Back in April, my smartphone decided that things weren't working out between us and left me high and dry by turning itself into a paperweight and ran off to Timbuktu with all my lists I had saved on it. Luckily for me I knew the breakup was coming so I managed to get all of my pictures out before getting unceremoniously dumped on my behind. Ha! Take that "smart"phone! Since April I've been limping along with a little cellphone of highest technology circa 2005 in my resistance against signing another two year contract that will lock me in again with those merciless bloodsuckers that can't put up enough towers for people to talk on, much less have 8G or whatever they're up to now.

I said all that to say this, I lost all my numbers. Getting them back has been embarrassing. It's usually a text, something like this, "Hey! Congratulations on the baby!" and then I feel like an idiot when I send, "Thanks! Who is this?" Oy. Lately I've tried to play along and figure out who it is without asking but, as this morning proved, that's not working for me either. Observe.

555-mystery#: "U busy"
Me: "Nope"
555-mystery#: "When can I$$$$$" No joke, that's what it said.
Me: "What was that? The message didn't come through completely."
555-mystery#: "Yo hair done$$$"
Me: "Who is this?" (At this point I realized I had no clue who it was but knew I wasn't going to figure it out without asking. I suspected my mother had gotten tired of me whining about needing a haircut but, not getting one and was passing my number out to people she knew."
555-mystery#: "Met U AT THE STORE"
Me: "What store? I think you've got the wrong number because I don't have this number saved" (That was my poor attempt to end the convo and shake off this person.)

Didn't work. Ten seconds later my phone rang from that number. The man on the other end proceeded to ask me who I was (Well, who is this!), didn't he meet me at the store, where I lived (I am not telling you that!), what my number was (didn't you just dial it?!) and tell me I "sho sound fine," then apologized profusely after I mentioned that my husband probably wouldn't like that and hung up in quite the hurry.

The moral of this story is don't try to act like you know who you're talking to when you don't and picking up women on a wrong number call usually, ok probably never, works. Just don't.