Wednesday, February 17, 2010


You know those people that each New Years select a "Word of the Year" that's sort of a one-word goal for the year?
I think "forgiveness" is my Word of the Year.
I didn't pick forgiveness, forgiveness picked me.

I'm hearing lots of stuff on forgiveness.
This morning on my way to school, I was listening to a HomeWord podcast about......ta da! forgiveness!
That's the second one in a week.
I think it's a sign.
I know it's a sign.
So Jim Burns was talking with Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages on "Something Something Something Forgiveness" or something like that.
(I forget the title.)

Apparently, there's five apology languages and Gary Chapman has written a book on that too.
Gary Chapman summarized them as follows:
1. Expressing Regret "I'm sorry."
2. Accepting Responsibility "I was wrong."
3. Restitution "What can I do to make this right?"
4. Repentance "I'm going to try really hard to not do this again."
5. Requesting Forgiveness "Will you forgive me?"

Gary Chapman says we all have an apology language, just like we all have a love language.
My love language is Words of Affirmation and my apology language is Accepting Responsibility.
If you come to me and tell me you were wrong that's a big deal in my book and all will be well.
I'll admit that saying "I was wrong" is one of the hardest phrases to get out but, it works wonders on attitudes.

Gary Chapman also said that you can't forgive someone that doesn't ask for forgiveness and that we humans can't forgive someone that God hasn't forgiven.

But there are people I need to forgive.

There are people who I need to forgive in order to be at peace with myself but they haven't asked for my forgiveness or apologized for wronging me.
What am I supposed to do now?

I realize that these hypothetical people may not know to the extent of how hurt my feelings are and they may not even be aware of said hurt feelings.
It is my responsibility to tell them how I feel first and then the ball is in their court as to whether or not they think they have wronged me.

But what if said person doesn't think they've done anything wrong?
They don't apologize and my feelings are still bruised and banged up.
What am I supposed to do now, I say?

Mr. Gary Chapman, you left that part out.
Was that intentional?
Is this supposed to be some sort of self-discovery journey?

Mr. Chapman I don't have time, I tell you.
I need this and I need it fast.


Travel & Dive Girl said...

I think that knowing you've been wronged and forgiving them in your heart should be enough. No communication by either party required...not in all cases, but some. Just saying, not all solutions are "one-size fits all".

Rachel said...

You're right.

Ginger said...

I agree with a lot of what Gary Chapman says, but I KNOW that you CAN forgive somebody who does not ask for it. And,I have been forgiven of mistakes before realizing what I had even done. Sometimes you forgive, but remember enough to know WHO they are so you don't put yourself in the position to get hurt again in the same way.