Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Mayhem vs. Mama

Today has been a challenge.  Mayhem is hard-headed and stubborn like me and thinks he doesn't need sleep like his daddy.  That right there is a combination for an ultimate showdown at naptime. 

I tried something new yesterday- setting "the mood" for sleep by closing the curtains and turning on his fan then settling him down by holding him very still and vertical at my neck, finally putting him in his bed when he was relaxed enough to put himself to sleep.  It worked just like the book said it would and it was beautiful.  Too beautiful.

I think last night he decided I was getting smart and has been a tyrant today.  Especially this afternoon.  He is resisting every trick I know and every attempt I've made.  He gets relaxed, I lay him down, and he sleeps for two minutes until his pacifier falls out and then he screams like he's being killed.  I have to swaddle him with his arms at his side now or he helicopters them over his head to stay awake.

I know the older he gets the less sleep he'll need, but why can't he be happy when he's awake if he's not going to sleep?  I know he's got to be sleepy because he's yawning and rolling his eyes back in his head.

When, not if, he ever does go to sleep I am not waking him up to eat.

Send baby sleep tips now!  At the very least, lie to me and tell me he's going to sleep all night!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Relaxing is Hard Work

Today is Sunday.  My little family went to church and I am really enjoying getting back into the "church on Sunday" life after years of working on Sunday.  Now I've got to get back in the habit of going on Sunday night.

I'm used to operating at maximum efficiency and can't stand to be idle.  I'm always hurryhurryhurrry, runrunrun, must. get. it. done!  My to do list is never to done.

I want to treat Sunday special and just relax and rest like the day it is intended to be, but my brain is rebellious.

"Let's do the dishes!"  "No, they can wait until tomorrow."

"Let's do laundry!"  "No, it can wait."

"I'm bored."  "Let's take a nap."  (It's always at this point Mayhem kicks in.  How does he know???)

I resisted the urge to clean and made myself read (when have I ever said that before!)  I took a nice bath and hung up just our church clothes.

Maybe next week will be easier.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Almighty Survey

Have you ever given any thought to customer service and how it has turned us all into supreme buttholes?

I'm sure that when it started everyone was all, "This will be great!  We'll know what we need to do to improve and be the best possible versions of ourselves!"  And for a while it probably was like that.  People probably only wrote or called or asked to speak with the manager when something was really seriously wrong and needed fixing.

These days, the words "customer service" are a loaded gun.  People expect you to bend over backwards twice for them while they are being obnoxious rear ends.  And they dare you not to smile when you're putting up with their crap!

In the other direction, employees are catching it from the higher ups because of some nit picky complaint that shouldn't amount to a hill of beans because some idiot with a pen was feeling vengeful.  Companies rely on stupid surveys (here's looking at you J.D. Power) to gauge their employees worth while they are chasing that dollar.

We have gone overboard with this. 

As a person who formerly worked with the public (every job I've ever had), I have experienced the best and the worst of the way it works.  I've been on the receiving end of stupid surveys and their scores and the nice thank you notes that give you the strength to come back and work another day.

I believe in order to receive good customer service you need to first be a good customer.  I try to always be friendly and look the person in the eye because there's nothing worse than being made to feel like you've not human.  Unless something goes really terribly wrong, I feel like it went right.  I try to be appreciative and always thank the person helping me.

When I was in the hospital last month having my baby, I was determined to be the best patient EVER.  And I think I was.  (I was already afraid they'd kill me, no reason to add to it.)   I think they appreciated it too because everyone was sooooo incredibly nice to us.  After we got home we spent three weeks crafting the perfect thank you letters to send to their supervisors and every hospital survey I've received I've given highest marks with nice comments.

I haven't always been this way.

In my former life I was an idiot and every time my high school boyfriend and I would go out to eat somewhere that had comment cards, I would look for something, anything!, to complain about and fill them out in a fit of pure ecstasy.

Then I got my first job.  In fast food.  Yeah.  Payback.

My second job was retail.  Yeah.

Shortly after getting serious in the funeral business I came to my senses and realized the error of my former ways.  Since then, I've been in support of doing away with stupid surveys and trying to make up for other people's bad reviews with my good ones.

(Did I really just write an entire post on customer service?  I must have gotten too much sun on my walk today, yeesh!)

Anyway, don't be a turd unless you have too.

Friday, April 26, 2013

This is your brain on sleep......

Sometimes, when I'm really tired and finally laying down, just about to drift off to sleep, I get crazy ideas.  My creativity is in overdrive when I'm trying to shut down!

A few days ago, trying to take a nap, I designed the coolest invention: a music player that you set the length of time you want it to play and the starting volume and as it plays the volume decreases automatically so that when the selected time is up the volume is turned all the way down to zero.  To save electricity/batteries it would even shut itself off!

What a great idea!  Necessity is the mother of invention and mothers have needs, like sleep.

Am I delirious?  Has this already been invented?  I haven't had time to scour the internet to find out yet.  Don't steal my idea!

Sometimes when I'm about to go to sleep I hear him crying but I wake up out of my stupor and realize its in my head.  Is this some sort of Neanderthal mama survival mechanism?

This morning I was taking a nap on the couch dreaming about taking Mayhem to the aquarium.  I love aquariums, I think they're beautiful!  We were watching the sharks when the tank busted and we're swimming in the water with them and I'm freaking out that my baby is going to drown.  Even when I woke up and saw he was definitely on dry land I was still thinking he might drown!

I think I'm cracking up.  He's been sleeping better at night this past week but my sleep bank is still so in debt it's upside down and thinking about filing bankruptcy!

( A strict feeding schedule- every three hours NO. MATTER. WHAT! and "tanking up" a few hours before bed has made all the difference in him sleeping three to four and half hours at a time and my sanity.)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

That's Pinteresting

Ah, Pinterest.  That wide open space on the internet that both inspires (if you need ideas) and enrages (if you're trying to keep up).  I joined Pinterest when it was fairly young I suppose, back when next to no one was on it and nobody in the real world that wasn't the slightest bit bloggy had ever heard of it. 

I didn't get it.  Pinterest was weird to me.  Plus, I was in serious, deep love with Houzz, which is sorta like Pinterest but way more home-design-oriented.  Everybody else was all "Pinterest!" while I constantly told them Houzz was so much cooler.

Since my hours have changed, i.e. awake A LOT between midnight and 4 am (thanks, Mayhem!), and there is nothing on the internet at that time of night, I've finally gotten into Pinterest and have been pinning like a mad woman.  I've got boards for hair I wish I had, things I really might cook, things I'd actually do to my house and clothing inspiration I could make work from what I have or might like to actually buy one day.  I'm pretty selective with what I pin even though I feel like I pin a lot. 

I do have a few fun boards that I've saved funny things or inspiring quotes to.  I'm not into crafts so I haven't gone nuts pinning stuff I'll never do.

Ain't it weird the stuff you get into at 2 am?

I still love Houzz, but we've cooled off.  ;)

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Monday, April 22, 2013


Watching Katie cut the grass in my backyard at a full gallop was hilarious!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Week 6

Week 6 is week two of no sleep.  I'm too tired to be funny so I'll keep this short and go take a nap.

*Ya know what's frustrating?  Getting him to sleep only to have him wake up screaming 45 minutes later because he peed so much he wet his clothes and is cold or he's spit up on himself and is cold.
*I'm still waiting for this book to work.
*Sometimes he cries so hard his big blue baby eyes well up with big baby tears.  If baby tears don't break your heart it can't be broken.
*Ask many anything you want to know about what kind of monsters live at the bottom of the ocean.  In the middle of the night when no one in their right mind is awake, Animal Planet is the only thing on that isn't trying to sell you something (except during commercials!) and I am now an expert.

Peace out, ya'll.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Got My Arms Back

I broke out the pack today and started baby wearing.  Now I can be productive and hold Mayhem at the same time!  I think he likes it, he went to sleep as soon as I put him in it.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Monday with Mayhem

  After a week of Boots' parents and baby brother being here visiting, last night the house felt strangely empty just the three of us. 

  Today has been even weirder since Boots went back to work on the garbage truck for the first time in six weeks now that his paternity leave is over and it's just been me and Mayhem. 

  I'm at work today, too.  Started my new job.  After many months of deliberations and prayers, I gave the funeral home my three weeks notice a week and half before Mayhem was born.  It worked out to my advantage he was early, no tearful good-byes on my part because there were no good-byes. 

  I didn't discuss it with anyone until I knew absolutely for sure we could work it out and were going to do it.  It was an easy decision because I knew it's what both Boots and I wanted, but a difficult decision to willingly lose an income.

  It's been hard writing "unemployed" on paperwork I've had to fill out for Mayhem.  The Stay at Home Mom title has been run slap into the ground so I'm going to call myself a "residential life manager."  Doesn't that sound official?  Now I've just got to say it to somebody with a perfectly straight face.

  We had a little adventure today called "jeans shopping" that made me want to pull my hair out because I hate shopping for clothes.  (Thank you, Lord, for giving me a boy.)  What is with the clothes this season?  All the jeans are either neon colors or so blue they're nearly black, neither of which I really like.  Oy, ve.

  I've decided that since I'm not working, since I don't have a "real job" anymore, there is no excuse for me not to exercise every day.  I want to get in shape so maybe I can wear cute clothes.  (Side note: still wearing the same size as I did pre-Mayhem.  Take that!) 

  I pulled the silly Jillian tape out of the top of the closet and after childbirth the pain of working out was cake.  It's like now my body knows what kind of crazy body stuff it can do and if it can't, it won't quit in the face of a little pain.  Then I cut the dog's nails.

  Now, for your viewing pleasure, (why won't they fix this app so pictures don't have to be at the bottom?) I give you some dressing room shots of my extreme displeasure and dorkiness.  So dumb.


I'm more than a few days late posting my March Instagram photos, but that's OK, right?
The majority of them are pictures of Mayhem because what else is there to take pictures of anymore?

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Week 5

If I was comfortable at four weeks, I'm exhausted at five.  Mayhem has gotten all outta whack and is so incredibly mixed up about the blessed event of sleeping and when exactly it is supposed to take place.  (During the night, not the day!)  I don't think he gets how tired I am. 

But he's so crazy sweet.  He's cuddley and he's started watching us and following us with his eyes.  He acts like he's listening when we talk to him now and that's just too much because now I'm never going to shut up.

Poor kid got diaper rash this week, which sucks.  And breaks my heart.  He screams and cries every time we change his diaper because it hurts and I feel like crying too just knowing how tortured his little heiny is.  Also, how weird is it touching somebody's butt in a very personal way so as to apply diaper cream?  Very weird.  Even though he's my baby and I'm his mama.  Weird.  Touching anybody's butt is just weird.

He's got baby pimples now, too.  I guess this is a glimpse into what teenage Mayhem will look like.  I hope he's still just as sweet and maybe slightly less cuddley.  Because that would be......weird.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Week 4

Four weeks is where I started getting comfortable.  I've finally figured out what two of his different cries mean (hooting and honking when he's hungry, near screaming when dirty.) 

When Mayhem was first born I was so worried about much bigger and un-baby he'd be when we got to this point.  He's still little and squishy and cuddley-- I'm pretty happy about it although it is fun watching him grow. 

I felt mildly successful one night this week when I went to bed (before midnight!) with the sink clean, dishwasher going, load of clothes drying, and two loads folded.  I say "mildly" because there were at least two more loads of dirty clothes and the house was is still in dire need of vacuuming.  Probably more than once. 

One night, in a sleep-deprived state, changing a dirty diaper I smelled a new smell.  Not poopy, or baby pee, it smelled kind of yeasty......like bread? 

"What did I eat?!"  I think I might have said it outloud. 

Several diaper changes later, for some reason, I smelled the wipe (clean!) in my hand.  It smelled like bread.  Who makes wipes that smell like bread?  And why didn't I smell it when I opened the new package?  Weirdness.

Something I've learned in four weeks, something I haven't read anywhere in any book or been told by anybody that says they love me-- afternoon appointments!  In my years of only being responsible for bathing, feeding, dressing myself I always liked morning appointments because the rest of my day was still free.  Not anymore. 

Afternoon appointments are where it's at now because it takes the whole dang day just to get ready and get out of the house.  Why did none of you tell me this?  (Are ya'll laughing at me?)