Thursday, May 30, 2013

A Day of Napping......

Boots and I Say Yellow

Saturday, one of my friends from the waaay back, I'm talking second grade!, is getting married and it's probably the last time I'll see her for a million years or so because she's moving to Timbuktu, Tennessee or something like that.  Not that I've seen her all that often since we've graduated high school, but when we are together it's like we've never missed a day, we always pick up right where we left off.  Or at least I think so?

In honor of her special occasion, I bought a new dress.  Two new dresses!  This is big because I hate clothes shopping for myself (so much more fun to dress other people) and I never have a lick of luck finding anything in my size that I like because I am incredibly picky and cheap.

Yesterday, luck was on my side and now I am faced with the decision of but which one?!

Here's where you come in: I am posting horribly bad pictures of myself in both dresses on my toilet and you get to cast a vote for your favorite. 

Both of these dresses are lined to keep the color of my underwear unknown and button down the front which is of utmost importance according to Mayhem.  Both have a wimpy, little belty thing and it is entirely too late to be concerned with my white legs so don't even go there.

Official ballots will be accepted in the comment box below and yes, Mother, you can vote anonymously.  If you are reading this via mobile device or a feed reader, please click on the title of this post to be redirected to the original page so you can vote thusly and such as that!  Polls close at 11:59 PM Friday and I will post pictures of me and the winner Saturday!

Thank you and good luck candidates!

P.S. Comments will appear after moderation!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Week 12

Today was the best doctor's visit we've had.  Mayhem had to go for a weight check because remember last time she said he was kinda small?  I'll get to that in a minute, but first......

I met a woman in the well infant waiting room with a three week old baby her family had adopted when he was three days old.  (Her first son was adopted, her second biological.)  They'd been on a waiting list for two years and got a call from Missouri completely out of the blue, "Come get this baby."  They decided on a name on the way there and she said they still don't have his nursery complete.  She seemed very happy with her new son and I told her that I'd always been interested in adoption and that her story was special.  How awesome and surprising for her family!

When it was Mayhem's turn, we Mayhem stripped down to a clean, paper diaper and laid on the scale.  11 pounds, 2 ounces!  That's 5 pounds, 4 ounces more than birth and 2 pounds, 6 ounces more than four weeks ago.  His little dot moved up on the percentile chart, he's now in the 5th.  He also grew 2 inches in length in a month which she said was a pretty big jump for four weeks. 

I told her about me changing his feeding schedule from every 3 hours to every 2 hours and she was happy with what we'd accomplished.  She told me to keep it up and asked me did I feel like I should be mooing, haha!

I was very happy.  I've been sweating what might happen if he wasn't big enough.

We went to two of my old funeral homes and visited with a few of my old friends before I took him dress shopping (for me) at Dirt Cheap. 

For my Canadian friends, Dirt Cheap is like a fancy (not really) thrift store, only these clothes haven't been worn, they're extras that didn't get sold.  Some of it's junk, but if you dig you can find good stuff sometimes.

This was probably my most successful Dirt Cheap trip as far as clothes shopping goes.  They must have just gotten in a load of new stuff because there was so much to choose from and in my size too!  Tomorrow, I'll share what I got.

Here's the weekly Mayhem shots.  Notice the long sleeved onesie is now a 3/4 length onesie.  Time to retire that shirt, I believe.

After a quick grocery run to Publix and a small Midnight Truffle Blizzard from Dairy Queen for me, we came home and took a nap on the couch with Bonanza playing quietly in the background.

I woke up before he did and just lay there with him on my chest thinking about how one day he'll be too big for this and got a little sad because he'll never be this small again.  I'm in no hurry for him to grow up, but I am very happy that he is growing.  I'm feeling pretty successful as a mama today.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Week 11

"And the man with the quizzical brow?"

If you hear screams......

  At night when I walk down the hall in the dark from my room to Mayhem's room or vice versa I always have the flashlight on my phone on because I am so afraid I will step on a spider or something.  I guess I can stop worrying so much now.

  I just left his room and didn't check the floor where I would be standing while I carefully shut his door (it scrapes really loudly) and I felt a mushy crunch under my left heel.  A quick brush off (shouldn't have done that without looking) and my suspicions were confirmed.

  I unintentionally (believe me) smashed the crap out of whatever that thing was and it stinks!

  What is it with me and bugs lately?  I was trying to take a nap with Boots Monday morning and caught a lady bug crawling in my hair.  I flung her across the room and scared a stinky lady bug poot out of her (that smell, ackkkk!) and then I couldn't sleep because my hair smelled funny.

  My Sunday school teacher is a self-professed spider lover and he claims that you are never more than three feet from a spider.  That's comforting.  Especially when I have to use the toilet in the dark.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Week 10

I took these last Wednesday, but I'm a little late posting them.

Look at that lip!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Mayhem and Social Events

This weekend was loaded with lots of firsts for Mayhem, sadly none of which I have pictures of. 

Friday he attended his first funeral.
Saturday he went to a double birthday party- trucks and Tangled themed.
Sunday, a wedding at our church.

Very busy weekend indeed.

Monday, May 13, 2013

My First Mother's Day

Future Mother's Days will never live up to my first one. 

Saturday night, Boots and Mayhem took me out to eat at a new fish restaurant nearby and it was really good, way better than you'd expect from such a tiny place out in the woods.

Sunday morning, we went to church where Boots got Mayhem to smile for a solid five minutes during the sermon.  It was so awesome and totally distracting.  ;)

We went out to eat with some friends afterwards and later I got to take a little nap before we went back to church.

We were part of the parent/baby dedication ceremony for Mayhem and six other babies.

Mayhem slept the whole time, but that's ok because it was more for us than him.

My mother, Mayhem, and me


Mother's Day for the win!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

How I Became a Mother......

**I wrote this a few days after Mayhem was born and have been saving it to post at just the right time.  What better day than my first Mother's Day, right?**

In case you missed it, read this part first.

After I wrote that, I went back to bed and fought sleep until it was finally time to get up at 5 AM and get ready for work.  My heart was feeling very anxious, like I drank a whole pot of coffee.  I made myself a grilled cheese for breakfast, but forgot to put the cheese in between the pieces of bread until it was almost too late.  Grilled toast.  Not being able to keep myself dry and focusing on breathing through contractions for "practice" for the "real thing" made me run a little behind and I was late for work. 

Just as soon as I got there my boss and the part time guy had to leave to make an important death call and I was by myself to answer the phones until they came back.  Since I was alone I couldn't call my doctor and tell them about my night because what if the phone rang??? 

They returned hours later and finally around lunch I was able to make the call to the office.  I left a message with the girl that answered telling her my question and she said the nurse would call me back.  I ate my lunch (bowties and pasta sauce) and just kept working on things I had to finish up, keeping my mind busy until she called and wrote down all the times I felt a contraction from 11:30 until almost 2.  I needed proof that I wasn't crazy this time!

My nurse called me back around 1:30 and after telling her my little story she thought that I should come in and be checked again.  Boots had started his paternity leave this morning and was headed from our house to my work so he could go with me.  He had planned to spend the two weeks before the baby came working on some things at our house, not schlepping me to the hospital every day. 

I left work at 2:20 and didn't have to wait to be seen but about 15 minutes in the busy doctors' office.  My doctor wasn't there that day so I met with the doctor on call, a very nice lady that I took to right away.  As soon as she opened me up, a flood of water verified that my water had indeed broken.  She told me I was almost at 4 cm and thought she could feel the head.

She stood up from her stool, "We're having a baby today!" and then proceeded to tell me that she knew I wanted to "go natural" but since we didn't really know exactly how long my water had been broken and there was a possibility of infection that I was going to have to be induced with pitocin to get my labor going.  Then she brought up epidurals. 

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes because I knew this was the beginning of exactly everything I did not want to happen.  She was very excited about delivering a surprise baby and even more excited that it was a surprise what the surprise baby was!

Doctor Lady gave us our instructions and I told the girl at the front desk to cancel my appointment for Thursday, that I was going to have the baby.  "Right now?"  She seemed kind of surprised.

We waited for my ride, another stupid wheelchair, and I rode through the secret hospital mazes texting my boss, my mom, and my sister all the way to labor and delivery where I met my delivery nurse and was instructed to take everything off, even my bra, put on this gown and get in the bed.

My friend Melody came to sit with me while Boots drove home to grab our bags because this was for real and we needed them this time.  Wouldn't you know, when we were waiting and just hanging out the doctor's office machine appointment reminder called to confirm my appointment for Thursday.  "Press 2 to cancel."  Yep.

My delivery nurse came back and asked me a bunch of questions ("Who's your emergency contact?  Do you want an enema?") and gave me the run-down of how things were going to go.  (No to the enema, btw)  I asked her what would happen when my sugar got too low because I hadn't eaten in about six hours at this point and was worried that I'd get the shakes and then throw up.  She said all I could have was ice chips and popsicles and that I should have eaten before I came.

Nurses are like scientists, always asking questions and comparing data about you, their little experiment.  They were all wonderfully nice though, and I never felt like they were possibly going to kill me.

At 4 PM, I got started on the IV, antibiotics and pitocin or as my delivery nurse called it "Devil Woman Meds" and within minutes I could tell a difference.  It felt like incredibly strong menstrual cramps.  She came back every half hour religiously to pump me up another two (two whats? two points?  I don't know) until I eventually reached 20, which is the pitocin max.  I only got up to 16.

I met with the male anesthesiaologist who asked me about an epidural and other pain relief drugs and answered my questions about what would happen in a worst case scenario (emergency c-section and I'm unmedicated.)  I told him I wanted to try without the epidural and see how it goes.  He told me he'd be down the hall in case I changed my mind.

At 6 PM, my nurse brought me my supper and plunked it down on the table- a styrofoam cup of ice chips with a plastic spoon.

Boots came back, my mom and my sisters came rolling in too.  We talked, laughed at me dribbling a grape popsicle on myself, and took pictures for a while in between them leaving the room so I could haul my naked butt to the bathroom to pee again (dang IVs) until I started concentrating and focusing on relaxing and breathing.

My preacher was visiting church members that were sick and he'd heard I'd been admitted to have the baby.  He came by and prayed with us, but I can't remember what he said.  I was too busy trying to breathe.

Trying not to hold your breath when a contraction hits you is hard.  All I could think about was holding the pain close to me, which was exactly what Boots' mama told me not to do when I'd talked to her weeks before.  There was lots of hand holding and finger tapping to try to keep my mind and body relaxed and somewhat at ease.

During contractions I was burning up and fanned myself with my sheet.  As soon as it ended I was freezing and hugged the sheet around me.  I couldn't be still.  My legs probably rubbed the sheets thin from me moving them back and forth until the nurse told me rocking my hips from side to side would help coax the baby down and ease the contraction so I went side to side for a while.  The nurse let me take a ten minute warm shower.  That helped and was soooo nice, but ten minutes in the water is all you get.  Boots held my IV pole and tried to help me keep my IV hand dry.  I remember dripping water on his boots.

Moving seemed to help, but around 10 PM, things started getting rough.  I asked Boots if he thought I should take some IV drugs, like Demerol, to help "take the edge off" as the nurse put it.  We agreed that it would be ok, even though I felt inside like I'd already lost since I had to give in and take something.  Being induced and taking meds was not what I wanted.

At 10:30, I got one shot of Demerol and Finigrin and my mom got an emesis basin because usually you puke, but I didn't.  I hate to throw up and was determined not to.  My memory gets a little fuzzy after that.  Boots has been helping me with pieces of it that I can't remember and it's pretty interesting the things you forget.  At one point I told Boots I just wanted the epidural, but he told me no, which is what I told him to tell me weeks before.

The Demerol made me really sleepy, but one thing I do remember is Boots helping me to the bathroom for the bazillionth time.  Ya'll, I fell asleep on the toilet.  What's worse, I had a dream and started talking in my sleep to one of the guys I work with who was trying to hand me a paper!  I think Boots tried not to laugh and get too freaked out at the same time.  I had another contraction on the way out the bathroom door and remember leaning on the door frame with my face on the cool metal.

I felt like pushing an hour before the nurse would let me and kept getting fussed at because it wasn't time yet.  When it finally was time to push I felt so relieved to finally be able to do somethng constructive!  Boots and my mom were on either side of my bed, more hand holding (or perhaps hand gripping) and loud counting to ten right in my face because I didn't have the brain power.  In between pushing through a contraction I fell asleep until the next one hit me.  This went on for an hour. 

I remember Boots yelling, "Push hard!" and he was so excited when he could see that the baby had hair.  He said I even cracked a smile when he told me.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013 at 12:28 AM, Mayhem was born. 

After all the contractions and stinging in my lady parts during the pushing, feeling him come slipping out was the strangest, relieving feeling I could imagine.  The pain was over immediately. The doctor held him up and Boots said, "It's a boy!" 

The clamps were put on the cord and Boots was given a pair of scissors to disconnect him from me.  I hadn't mentioned earlier to the nurse that I wanted to wait until the cord had stopped pulsing to have it cut, but at this point that was small stuff and it's sad to say, but I really didn't care anymore.  I remember feeling the placenta being born leaving my body, but it was moved away so fast I didn't get to see it which is kind of disappointing.

Mayhem didn't cry as loud as he should (I wondered later if it was because of the Demerol) so he didn't move all the crap out of his lungs like he should have and wasn't breathing deeply.  The nurses worked on him in the baby warmer to my right so I could watch him move his arms and legs around and try to distract myself while Doctor Lady stitched up my lady parts which was the worst part of the entire thing.  I think I counted 7 nurses crowded around him and it was 40 minutes later when I finally got to hold him for the first time.

He was so wrinkly and small, like a little, naked baby bird and I bawled the whole time I held him.  I was crying so hard I couldn't even tell my mama what his name was.  Boots told her his name and after a little while he carried him in a blanket to the nursery so they could finish working on him.

Reading all those books was good preparation, but I wasn't really prepared enough.  I wasn't prepared to enjoy it so much and look back in my mind on it and wish I could do it again like I do.  It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and I honestly can't wait to do it again.  It was the most awesome experience of my entire life thus far.  Next time I hope I'll be able to avoid the pitocin and be strong enough to not take the Demerol and be assertive enough to ask that the cord not be cut immediately. 

I have nothing to complain about though.  I wanted a natural, unmedicated birth and I mostly got it.  I was sort of a little celebrity those few days I was in the hospital because the nurses all kept commenting on me having a baby without an epidural.  My doctor was great and I just love her.  When I went back for my six week check up she told me she had fun delivering my baby!

And that's it.  The greatest job I'll ever have began......

Friday, May 10, 2013

This week has been sort of uneventful as far as blogworthy news goes.  Just the regular ol' nap-fighting and baby loving.  I was driving to town to visit some friends at the funeral home and run a few errands this afternoon when the idea of what to write about hit me out of nowhere.  Literally.

Some guy's front bumper met my back bumper......

and my head met the window.

Mayhem met the cops and the fire fighters......

and we both got checked out at the hospital.

My car's a little banged up......

and I've got a goose egg on my gourd,

but everything is fine.

Poor Jimmy Lima.  (That's my car's name.)

Also, although I was at the emergency room, the real emergencies come in on the ambulance 
(obviously) not walk in on their own volition (me) because there was zero urgency or nervous panic like I expected.  We did get the hot doctor though.  ;)

I'm gonna be soooo pretty tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Monday, May 6, 2013


My Instagram feed got quite the workout in April.  See for yourself, in no particular order!