Monday, January 31, 2011

I Forgot Your Birthday......

Last week was Eating Crow Pie's birthday (Yay! One year in operation!) and I missed it.
(I didn't do a "Happy Birthday Blog" post, haven't I violated some sort of bloggy rule?!)

In my defense, I had intentions, but when I got home I was greeted with an enormous poopy stinky pee mess that had to have my immediate attention.
Lemme tell ya, its not going to be a good night when you come home to poop, no it is not.

I suppose I was supposed to do a birthday celebration giveaway, but with the mood I was in after all that disaster cleaning it would have been was a Ziplock bag of poop shipped to you the next day.
You're welcome.

By way of forgetting to post, I also forgot to do my 100 Days of Marriage post.
Remember when I posted about my last 100 Single Days?
I accomplished #1 & 2, still working on #3 & 4, #5 is 1/2 complete I'd say, and of course, #6 is done.
You know, I do not miss that wedding planning at all, at all I tell you!

Since I'm laying it all out today, have you been remembering that I'm forgetting to finish my story of how I met Boots?
I've had you in suspense for Part 2 nearly three months now!
I'll get to it I promise.
Wouldn't it be cool if I posted that for V-day?
Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I, Rachel, curator of Eating Crow Pie, so avow to finish Part 2 of meeting Mr. Boots and post it on the fourteenth of February in honor of the love events of the day even though I do not adore the blessed commercialized love day!
(February- I cannot pronounce that word correc-it-ally.
Is it "Feb-ROO-ary" or "Feb-YOU-ary"?)

Here lately, I've been paying more attention to fashion in the world around me.
You can thank Kendi.
Hear I go, trying to be all fashion-y.

Shirt: Target $10
Pants: Target $24.99

I thought this was going to be a fashion win but it was a fashion fail.
I just felt frumpy.
Not as cute on me as it was in my head.
Oh, well......try, try again, right?

I know you're confused now.
You're probably all, "Why is she standing on the toilet?" or maybe, "Why is her counter so cluttered?" or "This is a fashion blog now?"

#1: there is no full length mirror in my house.
There will be after Boots and I finish our bedroom; we're planning on mirrored closet doors.

#2: I was in a hurry!
No time to clean since I had to sneak this picture without Boots seeing me and making fun of me.

#3: no.
I don't know what I am.
One day this is a comedy blog, the next day its a romantic story telling blog.
Then its a sad, gripey blog.
Some days it a cooking blog, a photography blog, and now I'm posting my clothes!
Its a hodge-podge blog--I'll write about anything!

Here's looking at you kid, Happy Birthday!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I play scenes out in my head to practice what I'm going to say, but when I finally get my chance I crumple and cry, silent.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Is my washing machine in danger?
Why does it need a gun?!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Riddle Me Whisk

(Alternate title: To Whisk or Not To Whisk?)

This past Saturday I discovered the true use of a whisk.
I give you my definition!
Whisk: n or v, used to stir dry ingredients or wet ingredients but not dry and wet together because the whisk gets all glopped up.
Last night I discovered just how many whisks I own.
Do you think 9 is too many?
The two farthest right are my favorites.
Do I need seven back ups?
Whisks: in need of a good home!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Today I......

~poured a bag of kitty litter in the back of Boots' truck to soak up the gas I spilled (don't ask)

~smiled like Scarlett and said, "Nothing," when the car salesman asked me what he could do to earn my business today (was that harsh?)

~watched an overweight girl cry on MTV because she was out of shape

~got motivated to go mostly walk/barely run

~cleaned out the flower bed cuz I'm ready for the summer time

~made ice cream flavored with mint, jalapenos, chocolate, cinnamon, and vanilla (it's more like mousse)

~shocked Boots by rejected the bread sticks at Pizza Hut because I'd watched the cook touch them without gloves (he thinks I'm so passive)

~got all excited to see that The Dark Knight is coming on TNT tomorrow night! (RIP Heath Ledger)

~decided it was a good day

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Today in the land of victories, I figured out how to tighten up a toilet seat so it doesn't move around when you put your butt on it!

If You Give a Dog a Stuffed Animal......

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I lay in bed and stare at that exposed air vent.
Boots, we have got to fix that so I can move on to staring at something else, like maybe that light.

A Test

I can do this from my phone!

Friday, January 14, 2011

A Double Life

Last night, the Boots broke down and bought a shop-vac in an effort to not spend a million dollars in quarters the next time he wants to clean out his car.
After he was done I "borrowed" the shop vac from him and vacuumed cracks.
Cracks in the couch, cracks along the wall, all full of crumbs before but no more!
My cracks are clean!

This shop-vac thing has got me thinking: in theory, could a shop-vac double as a carpet cleaner?
Could you sprinkle stuff on the carpet and then suck it up to clean the carpet?
Does this sound dangerous?

(I've also been thinking, how many people come read my blog and never come back again because I don't post regularly?
How many potential followers have I lost?)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Send Help!

Y'all we are having a blizzard in Alabama!


Friday night Boots said, "Get in the truck,"

with guns and a Crown bag full of shells,

and an empty cooler we were going to fill up.

We took a little trip and spent the night away from home,

and got up, I swear, before the crack of dawn

to hang out in the woods huntin' some animals.

I froze off my toes

and the Bootshunter waited on does.

He got a little bored and made me a hat

and melted me away when I asked him to sit down behind me and

he said, "You lean up against me and I'll lean up on you that

way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

I always wanted a man that'd quote movie lines to me.

Then he thought he heard something and all games were over with,

but an empty road and the bright sunlight was all we saw.

The End.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Today I took Ol Black to get the oil changed and the guys at the oil change place told me that the valve cover gasket thing is leaking and needs to be replaced and the- "Hey, Boots! Come listen to what he's saying!"
Apparently, something's wrong and it needs to be fixed.
I was hoping things weren't going to start falling apart but it looks like my luck has run out.
We left the oil change place with notations on what needed to be fixed and me with an ever-growing case of the Anxieties.
Is the end of Ol Black's life approaching?
Should I be preparing for the final days?
We rode down to the Masda place so I could drool a little closer over this "Celestial Blue" five-door 6.
Boots and I don't agree on what's the best way to avoid the carsalesNazis.
Boots said we should drive Ol Black right up to the one we wanted to see, hop out, and jump right back in and drive away.
I thought, and this is what we did, parking on the side of the building and running to the car and running back would be the quickest, draw the least attention, and maybe keep Ol Black in the dark about what we were doing.
Boots thinks I'm an idiot I'm sure.
So we walk briskly, heads down, eyes averted so maybe we'll magically become invisible and not look suspicious.
Oh! Boots took me in a pawn shop and I felt straight up like a criminal.
As far as the car......
$21,000 brand new.
That's practically a year's pay.
Is that how you're supposed to do it- dedicate a year's pay to whatever you need to buy?
What if you're not married?
No way that would work.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I just don't think I could handle it if I had conjoined twins.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Especially Playful and Happy

Originally uploaded by EatingCrowPie
Who told Nikki that I bought her a toy and hide it on top of the fridge?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Major Mile(age) Stone

Originally uploaded by EatingCrowPie
Tonight on my way home from work Ol Black rolled over to 200,000 miles.
The big 2-0-0-0-0-0.
The past few weeks, the closer the 200k got, the more nervous I became driving the car since I've made it a goal of mine to reach 200,000 and the thought of somebody wrecking me before I reached it......
To celebrate, tomorrow I'm going to the $5 car wash!

The Magic Place

Is it just me, or does everyone have a magic place?

"The Magic Place" is self-defined.
Sometimes, when the songs are just right (I'm talking about the ones I know by heart and can sing half-way on key) my Magic Place is church.
I know you're supposed to sing like you're the greatest singer in the world on every song every time, but I just don't get that special feeling when it's a song I don't know or particularly love.

The Magic Place is also a feeling.
I feel relieved and uplifted.
I am carefree, worry free, and just free.

Sometimes, my Magic Place is at church when conditions are right, but I know I can always find it at Publix.
I don't know what it is about that store, but I feel myself transformed from this tired girl into a hopeful voyager when I'm walking down every aisle, looking at everything, completely at peace with my world.

I know this is probably the strangest post you've read all year, but I just had to share.

Monday, January 3, 2011

How can I be so motivated in my head but never get anything done physically?
I dream of exercising while driving home from work: going running in the dark with a borrowed from Boots flashlight, doing the stupid skinny Jillian tape.
I dream of cleaning: washing all the dishes in the entire house, scrubbing the floors.
When my car pulls into our carport at our house my enthusiasm blows away with the wind and I don't want to do anything but sit on the couch.
That's mostly what I do.
I wash one batch of dishes, wash one load of clothes, fold/hang up one load of clothes and collapse.
Where did the gusto go?
I am so lazy.
Is it because of the resolutions?
Because I told myself I had to?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2010 Breakdown

I started this blog when Boots and I got engaged.

I had a small fire and made up a new disease.

I developed a "thing" for reel lawn mowers, Boots and I started house hunting, and I paid for the biggest test of my life.

We kept house hunting, I got peed on, and I bought my wedding dress.

I passed my Boards, I wrote about boots, poop, and I graduated.

I picked out my cake, wrote about my last 100 days, Boots and I got serious about a house.

I sweated, Boots and I bought the house, I posted lots of pictures, I decided to never travel alone again.

More house photos, Boots developed a bathroom dislike and worked out his frustrations, cleaned up the backyard, I fell in love and decided I should just stay at home.

Boots built a fence and shot himself, I got motivated and had a bad day.
Plus- we got married!

I was sad, I cooked, and decided I have a problem.

I wrote about meeting Boots and still haven't finished it, and I cooked some more.

I rooted a tree and decorated another tree.

The end!
Happy 2010 everyone!