Thursday, September 30, 2010

Boots and I just spend $23 on junk a box of chocolate-covered cordial cherries and one package of red and yellow tulip bulbs.
The neighbor boys are selling junk fundraising for their school.
They don't know what for.
They didn't have their paperwork filled out but I wrote them a check like the sucker I am even though the little turds are probably scamming us.
Geez Louise, if I don't get my junk back before Christmas......!

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program!

The Crime Scene

The Weapon

The Bullet Shrapnel Projectile
(Let me clarify that the nail has pink paint on the end of it, not blood.)

The Wound

Folks, this is what happens when you leave your nail guns unattended and accounted for.
Take extra precautions with your men this week as they are sure to be suffering from Fall Fever and likely to injure themselves doing something manly.
We must be vigilant!
When the world ends, Boots and I will be ready and prayed up......

And we'll have more toilet paper than the rest of ya'll!

(Super long wedding blog post soon someday!)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Just Another Trip to Sam's Club!

I always say that its handy to carry a Sharpie in your purse.

My uncle promised my cousin Pea that he would buy him the biggest box of candy he wanted after he got his braces removed.
Looks like there'll be more trips to the dentist soon.
Tonight is Boots' family/friend birthday party. 
Maybe I'll post some pictures tomorrow as opposed to next year when his birthday comes again.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I Had a Bad Day, Where is My AK?

Today has been one more bad day, let me tell you.

First off, I'm surely headed for Hell.
I am so terrible!
I went to the thrift store in search of a basket for the seed bags my mom and sister made a few days ago.
I found the perfect basket and waited in line behind a lady with a trache.

I hate traches.
I hate traches, amputations, and eye donors.
That stuff just really freaks me out.

So standing in line, avert thy eyes, avert thy eyes, stare at this huge bookcase with magazines piled on it.
Checkout lady says, "Is that all you've got baby?"
I tell her yes, she tells me I owe a quarter.
You've got to be kidding, right?
A quarter?
I don't tote change!
I don't have a quarter!
Oy, vey!
What do I do now?
Trache lady rasps (rasps, seriously.  Sounds like she swallowed a kazoo.) that she'd get it for me.
I say thank you and keep standing in line like an idiot.
Trache lady covers the hole with her finger this time and asks me am I a student, I say yes.
Why did I say yes?
I'm not a student anymore!
Mentally slaps forehead.
She tells me about her grandson being a junior at the university and I just smile.
I thank her again and leave.
I am so stupid.
Why didn't I stay and talk to her longer?
Help her carry her junk out to the car?
I can't believe I so rudely accepted a stranger's kindness.
This is why I can't have nice things!

Less than 3 hours later the JCPenney lady from the mothership calls me.
She said that they haven't even processed my last order (which I thought would be here yesterday!) because my phone number has changed from when I first opened my JCPenney credit card and they are trying to protect my identity.
I had to give her the phone number that I opened my account with and I couldn't remember it.
Geez Louise.
I lost it.
I could not hold it anymore.
I had a sobbing fit on the JCPenney lady about why couldn't I get my stinking ties because of a stupid phone number, why did I have to pay "express" shipping for something that was already four days overdue.
I guess she felt bad for me because she prodded me with the first three numbers and suddenly the curtains parted in my brain and I remembered the lady.
Bless you, lady, bless you!
She directed me to customer service so I could complete a survey on my experience (my demand, not her request) and we hung up when about half way through the options she beeped in.
She'd just spoken to her supervisor who said they would refund my $65 for "express" shipping since it was shipped very expressly and that I could expect my order tomorrow.
Thank you!
I bet that JCPenney lady wished she'd never picked up the phone and dialed a bawling maniac all over a bunch of ties!

Since then, I've felt exhausted.
Mentally wiped out and drained of all my full-steam-ahead! juices.
I can't wait to go to sleep tonight.

My mama is growing these sunflowers.
(She took the pictures and sent them to me. 
All I did was post them without her permission.)
I never knew there were so many colors.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Monumental Task of Epic Proportions

Ya ever take on too much?

Like building a privacy fence mostly by yourself, banging yourself in the head with the boards?
Like planning your own wedding, procrastinating to the last minute and having a breakdown in the JCPenney's?
Like scrubbing your nasty bathroom including the BLACK nasty corners only to discover the Underground Railroad for Rats under your sink cabinets?

Ya ever feel as if you are losing your goose and just want to cry and scream and pitch the biggest fit?

I'm trying to enjoy every minute but I feel like I'm crackin' up!

Boots' Fence (and pictures!)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dairy (milk)

Just to clarify that they didn't mean "Dairy (cheese)!"

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My mama and my sister Haley have been busy making the seed throwing thingies for the wedding.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Black Not Blue

I ordered black.
They shipped me blue.
Blue tie = me distraught

Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Unfortunately, a superabundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares"

— Peter Ustinov

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Do you see that little piece that's broken?
That little piece is fairly very important when it comes to driving a car.
Do you see that little sticker sign that says DEATH or SERIOUS INJURY?
They weren't kidding.
That little piece, my friends, makes a whole lotta difference in your safety while operating a mohicular vehicle.
That little broken off piece is the difference between uncontrollably whopping yourself in the head like a maniac or casually pulling down the sun visor to shield your eyes.
That broken off piece is the difference between a goose egg on the forehead and not.
Geez Louise, how do I keep forgetting that thing is broke?!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Friday when I was running around the mall I started noticing a pattern in fashion.
'Bout time I noticed something about fashion, right?
Anyway, I saw a lot of grey.
Different shades of grey clothes.
Lots of owls, necklaces with charms, rings, earrings, just owls everywhere.
All of these new winter clothes get me excited about the cold weather!

Sunday, September 12, 2010


I do a few things well and many things badly, but none so badly as speaking in public.
If you were at the shower yesterday and you thought my little, "Thank you so much" sentence/speech was weak, I agree.
I can't talk in front of people.
I apologize.
Scroll all the way to the very bottom of this page.
That little lady has almost danced her way into the arms of the handsome man!

Need Some Music?

In the funeral business, we hear the same ol' songs every week.
Beulah Land, Amazing Grace, Go Rest High.
Here's a new song we're predicting will be added to the repertoire.
Perry- If I Die Young

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I have got mosquito/poison ivy plaque.
I'm scratching worse than a sunburnt dog with eczema and fleas!
I wore a baby blue shirt with red scrubs to work today.
What was I thinking when I got dressed?

So You Need Some Motivation?

How's this for lighting a fire underneath your own butt?

Yesterday morning I woke up in a hot sweat from a wedding day nightmare.
It started off with me, Boots, my mom, and a preacher.
We were standing on a patio by a pool.
We had a short ceremony, sealed it with a kiss, and apparently we were married!
A few people walked up and I groaned about having to do this again.
Why did we get married before the wedding?
Boots isn't supposed to see me before the wedding, this doesn't go with our plans.
Why was I wearing a poufy princess dress with raspberries on it?
I hid in a closet and an old church friend found me and made small talk, asking was I ready for to get married.
I wasn't ready!
I forgot to buy the groomsmen's shirts and ties, I forgot to print the programs!
I made a mad dash for the parking lot and took off in Boots' truck.
I was headed for the nearest JCPenney's, determined that the groomsmen wouldn't be seen wearing the t-shirts I imagined them in.
And then, I woke up.
Imagine my relief when I realized this was only the nightmare wedding of my dreams.
I spent the whole day running around town checking off a list of things I've been putting off for too long.
I can't let this nightmare become a reality.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I just took part in a 3 question political telephone poll.
At the end, the lady said, "I like your answers."
Ha ha!
If you talk behind people's backs you'd better make sure it doesn't find its way to their fronts.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I'm Four and 1/2 Years Behind......

The fence has been taken down!

Installation of a new fence is happening!

The Bootsfiance decided that digging 8 miles (not really) of post holes really isn't for him.
I had the pleasure (truly, it was) of calling various rental stores and hunting for the best deal on an auger.
I love a good deal.
$40 a day plus tax with 3 different sized bits included.
Not that is a $30-less-than-the-competitors deal!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Friday, September 3, 2010

It might only be for a simple, five minute survey, but when the bank calls you can't help for be afraid they're going to tell you you've had your identity stolen.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Everyone knows how much Boots hates our blue bathroom, right?
I am begging him, begging!, for it not to be destroyed.
Here's Nat and her vote for colored bathrooms.

(Please note, I can't post any new pictures because my camera card is full.
I can't clean off my camera card and store the pictures on my external hard drive because my computer is full.
If you give a mouse a cookie......)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010